The start of the school year is a time of high expectations. I generally assume parents expect high academic achievement, even if the previous school year was less than successful. When I talk with clients about what they want for their children this upcoming school year, I often hear, "I don't know, really. I just want them to get good grades and behave well." This general expectation is fine, but I know there are more specific expectations lurking in their minds. I suggest starting the school year with a clearer picture of what you expect from your child, as well as from yourself.
Here are a few pointers for gaining some focus:
- Be clear about the behaviors and outcomes you want, and state them in the positive, as specifically as possible. If I were to tell you, "Don't think about ice cream," what flavor do you immediately start to savor in your mind? Focusing on unwanted behaviors tends to attract more of those behaviors. Conversely, when we are exceptionally clear about what we do want and focus on that, it is much easier to notice the small victories and to reinforce them.
- Be clear about your role in helping your child meet your expectations. We all spend a lot of time thinking about how we wish other people would behave differently. Unfortunately, all the wishing in the world won't change another person's behavior. In my experience, the children who enjoy the most success in school have parents who accept an active role in helping shape their children's behavior through positive structure, not to mention good diet and exercise.
- Develop a realistic timeframe regarding your expectations. There is nothing wrong with wanting to turn a C or even a D student into an A/B student, but be clear about a realistic timetable for making this happen. Expecting results overnight may lead to undue frustration. Appreciate and build upon each success along the path to meeting and exceeding expectations.